Falling Leaves and Naked Feet...

The leaves have pretty much fallen off of all the trees 'round these parts.....

And yet....We're outside.....Playing in the sun....Outside....

In November....barefooted.....

What an amazing day!

Outside..

Playing, Reading, Having Fun,

Soaking up the Sun....

yep...In November!

Ya gotta love, love, love days like this, cause they come and go quickly....

and I hear there is a frost in our future.

A Heart to Heart over a bottle of

Rum over a Capri Sun.....

It was pizza day at school for Nathan---Oh what a glorious day when you don't have to make a sack lunch...~You do however have to bring a drink for your child. I dropped off the big boys at school and was on my way to Nathan's pre-school when I realized I had forgotten Nathan's drink. We drove back by the house to grab a Capri Sun, only to run into our sweet neighbor "J". She has become my workout motivator...She was at kickboxing the first day I started exercising after Kate was born, and she has helped to nudge me along and keep me going....."J' has a grateful and giving heart and she is such an encouragment to those around her...

But, "J" is having a rough week...She has lost 4 babies to miscarriage in the last two years. This week marks the time when her last baby would have been due. She has been getting reminders in the mailbox this last month. Reminders in the form of diaper coupons and formula samples...ugh....She has been grieving for the loss of her children and she has been begging God to take away her desire for another child. I know there are so many women out there that have felt the pain of losing a baby to miscarriage...Will you please pray for my friend "J", during this difficult week....She doesn't have a grave marker, or any physical evidence her babies were here...She didn't even have a big belly to show the world...You can't "see" her broken heart, but let me tell you... It~Is~Broken.... Please pray for peace and understanding...and that she will find a way to use her sorrow to glorify God.....

♥

During our discussion, she raised a question that I just can't get off my mind. She said, "I know there are women out there that KNOW they are finished having children, I'm just not one of them...I don't think I ever will be.....HOW DO YOU KNOW?" I fumbled around for a good answer, but truth be told I am not one of those women either.....I did not go out the week after Kate was born and have my tubes tied, nor did I ask my husband to have something "permanent" done....

Physically, emotionally, financially and intellectually I will tell you I am finished having children....But--- I just CANNOT make things final....

I think about the day when I won't have to change another poopy diaper again with pure happiness (and utter sadness)...I dream about the day that we can leave the house without anything in our hands and go out to dinner without complete chaos with gleeful anticipation (and dread)....And I await the day that my children are "gone" and it's just the hubby and I and we can travel and be a couple again with excitment (and morose). I am sad that I will never carry a baby in my body again and happy that my body is my own now....I am sad I will never have that moment when a new life is placed on my chest for the first time, but happy I don't have to go through labor.... As each day goes by I feel panicked that this is the last time I will experience this milestone or that milestone......but at the same time so grateful to be experiencing it......

And so I have to ask myself...Why? Why don't I feel this finality that so many women claim that they feel? Do I love poopy diapers and 4 am feedings? Or Do I identify myself as the "baby mama" ....and if my kids grow into school age children I won't know who I am? Or do I just realize that this time goes by so fast and I am trying my hardest to grasp on to any string I can grab hold of to slow it down?...It's probably a little of each.......

As I search for and pray about the answer, I'm gonna try to live in the moment, realizing how blessed I am that God gave me 5 beautiful and healthy and perfect children, and knowing He is rocking and singing sweet lullabies to those babies we have lost, until the time we can be reunited with them........

And at this exact moment I have to go change a poopy toddler diaper and feed a hungry baby....


Liz

Wordful Wednesday

Nick's flag football team took second place in the league tournament this week....good job Bills! Daddy-daughter time on the couch.....Yes, she pretty much always wears pink :)
that "shocked" look is one she enjoys giving us a lot.....she gets it from her big brother (Brian) For more wordful wednesday vist 7 Clown Circus....

Busy, busy with my basketball team!

I am really busy....and really tired....don't feel much like blogging during the few moments I get "alone." Kate is doing well...sleeping for longer periods of time and getting so much bigger! She is an incredibly happy baby...smiles all the time and does the most adorable excited squeal! The boys are in love with her and are all so helpful....Brian has gotten a little more difficult lately, but that is to be expected when you have been dethroned. Here are some pics of what we have been up to!

B-boy at 22 months

Fall Festival at the big boys Elementary school

Lil' Sis----7 weeks

Waiting to wave to the big boys on the bus

Bye, bye big brothers....


Nathan's 4th Birthday party....it was a "campout" party...cake is a campfire..

3 marshmallows at once!

S'mores!

Blowing out the candles

Look what my Daddy got me for my Birthday!

and our little rockstar has never been happier in his 4 short years of life!!!

♥

Happy Birthday sweet Nathan!!!!

♥

♥

*On a side note: If you would like to Fed-Ex me some vallium, e-mail me and I'll give you my address! HA! HA! :)

LUCKILY we have a room above the garage with a big heavy door that pretty much silences the drumming!

Checking In...

We are doing better at our house. Kate finished her antibiotic and started medicine for thrush the same day, but seems to be getting better. Nathan had the swine flu, but has recovered, and everyone else seems to be okay (for now). I'll post some pics in a couple of days....we are ever busy with football and baseball games, school and work....but surviving great on limited sleep...

Prayer Request!

Kate has a staph infection in her umblicial stump and they are treating her for MRSA (antibiotic resistant staph) with a strong oral antibiotic. Have to keep her upright for 30 minutes after she takes the medicine to "avoid" esophogeal erosion...poor little thing.... please pray for her health and that we all survive the next 10 days of antibiotics every 8 hours :)

Fabulous Foto Friday

A few pics from this week.....

Alex....our little quarterback!